Golf Fore the Good

As an oft quizzically considered subspecies of Homo sapiens, golfers, as a whole, exhibit certain, recognizable traits; out in the open, it is quite easy to recognize one. On the other hand, there are no bounds to their shape, size or color.

They come in such a variety and intensity of spirit, were they to be classified as canine I would say, from personal experience, that they are somewhat akin to the Border Collie. Note the similarity between golfers and the AKC description of the Border Collie, and liken it to the dedicated golfers that you know.

Golfers are noted for their ability to spend “long days on rugged terrain.” The best golfers have an “uncanny ability to reason” and “any aspect of… temperament that would impede… ability to function … should be severely faulted.” Regarding a golfer’s swing, “action is forward and true without wasted motion.”

I suppose if I was half as smart and determined as my own Border Collie, I’d have that single digit handicap that is so-close-yet-so-far-away. I guess, for the moment, I’ll just be happy I have thumbs.

Unfortunately, most golfers do not have the “eye,“ the intensity, energy and trainability to be considered the most intelligent of breeds. Still, the study of golfers and their environment can be fascinating – or, if you ask a non-golfer, more like watching paint dry.

Up here in the northeast US of A, golfers go through a bit of an adjustment period as fall turns to winter. Seasonal changes force their behavior in sometimes understandable and other times, inexplicable ways. For golfers, sportsmen and women who spend copious amounts of hours on the golf course enjoying time out of doors, the adjustment is far from easy. Some years they face a very long and golfless winter.

Golfers handle the seasonal changes in a variety of ways. Unlike many other beasts, golfers are not preprogrammed for a certain winter behavior. Creatures of nature in many ways, they are individuals with the will and ability to makes choices. Golfers of New England and regions north must break from their usual habits and expectations, and go along to get along, each to their own direction, to survive the winter.

Here we will explore those golfers found predominantly in the New England area and catch a glimpse into their behavior with regard to winter habitation. Some migrate, others hibernate and still others have developed ways to adapt to the winter season.

The Migratory Golfer: This breed is also commonly referred to as a “Snow Bird.” These golfers travel different migratory routes to a variety of wintering grounds. Many are prompted to begin their southern journey by the first frost, while others departure dates are based strictly on the calendar, as regular and predictable as the swallows returning to Capistrano.

Though they generally depart the northern territories in pairs or as individuals, Snow Bird Golfers tend to congregate in groups once they have safely come to rest in southern climates. Early on, many have no real predilection for geography as long as wherever they roost they find sunshine, warm days and a tee time. Once a wintering ground is established and comfortable, it is not uncommon that the Snow Bird Golfer returns year after year to the same locale.

Some Snow Birds first appear as a non-golfing breed but, within a few years of establishing their southern migration behavior, develop into mature Snow Bird Golfers. This variety of Snow Bird is known to return en mass to their northern regions in the spring, clogging golf courses and delaying play throughout their native area. They are often, in fact, considered by many expert rangers to be more damaging and more of a nuisance to many golf courses than Canada Geese.

It is rare that a Snow Bird leaves its northern nest until well after maturity. Occasionally, a young specimen may meander south, but this foray usually proves premature and it quickly returns north, despite strong headwinds and the risk of frostbite upon its return.

The Hibernating Golfer: When falling temperatures make day to day living - or golfing – difficult, there are many golfers who choose to forgo the trials and tribulations of the golf course altogether until spring. They choose to hibernate.

These creatures do not head south like the Snow Birds. They remain in their year round habitat, but burrow in; to the mud, to their dens, to their living rooms; anywhere they can lie snuggled and safe throughout the winter.

In this case, there are bears and then there are turtles.

Some will stash their clubs and fall into a deep, deep moroseness. For this breed, it is better to sleep - perhaps to dream, of wide open, sunny fairways - when frigid winds and weather keep them from the course. They will not wake until temperatures are warm enough to call them forth to fairways fresh and green. They burrow deep into the mud of winter. They are turtles, pulled into their shells, hiding away, vanished and vanquished by weather with which they cannot contend.

Beware of bears. These golfers do not sleep deeply. At the slightest provocation, one may awake. It will raise its heads and growl. It will peer out of its den, and sniff the air. At the slightest sign of golfing weather, they are known to grab their clubs and give chase, off to the golf course, regardless of what stands in their way. Family matters, business meetings, holiday events, all become prey for the cause. If the sun shines bright and warms the surroundings to any extent, a Golfing bear may head blindly to the course, a victim of its biological makeup.

Four hours out in the midst of an abnormally warm midwinter day is little but a tease - false hope, if you will. Golfing Bears can develop a dangerous reliance on warm winter weather. When the cold swoops in again - as it is sure to do - they can be left frozen, meandering and starving, bereft of playable days. There are not enough warm days to sustain them in our northern clime. The Golfing Bear will invariably return to its den and hunker down until spring.

The Adaptive Golfer: The Adaptive Golfer is known to be hardier – or more accurately stated, more fool-hardy – than other breeds of golfers. Fair weather days are precious and short in the North East. The Adaptive Golfer takes advantage of each and every moment and, over time, has developed various methods of survival.

The Adaptive Golfer has a deep, instinctive tendency to golf no matter what the season or how cruel the weather. They do what they do, because it is what they must do. Golf is, if not an innate ability, an intrinsic component of their genetic makeup, for better or worse.

Their habits are varied within the breed. While all remain active throughout the winter season, some prefer days above freezing while others are known to forage for a game even in sub-freezing temperatures. All are considered crazy by their migrating relations.

The Adaptive Golfer in winter is often unrecognizable from its summer form. Its coat thickens enormously, its body often appearing more than twice its normal size. The Adaptive Golfer keeps its head and all extremities hidden, causing even the most graceful to become jerky or slow in their movement and individual identification difficult. The gait and posture of the Adaptive Golfer changes in the winter season, as it walks with head and neck bent down and shoulders scrunched forward to conserve energy against the cold and wind.

They are an innovative breed and make use of various tools to sustain them in the winter months. One common variety is known to forage for nips to numb them to the cold. Other prefer seeking warmth with high-tech innovations; Hot Hands, Under Armour and Gore-Tex are an Adaptive Golfers’ best defense against the elements.

Whichever variety of Adaptive Golfer you encounter, they are all most easily identified by their distinctive, yet sometimes difficult to decipher, call. “It’s really not that bad out there,” they mummer through frozen lips as they make the turn.

Intrigued by the behavior of the Winter Golfer? Read more about their behavior and habitat:

Surviving a Three Club Tournament in Below Freezing Weather

Winter Golf

Crazy Golfers in Esotonia